Greetings Ladies and Barbarians,
Previously I had mentioned something about men in general being barbarians… and married men, in particular being domesticated barbarians… I was not quite sure how the idea got into my head, but it did. Here I would like to elaborate on this a bit more… Soooo? Here goes…
The Ways of the Barbarian …
Men are uncouth barbarians. They grunt, snort, sneer, and shamelessly make many other more embarrassing bodily noises. They all carry swords without exception – big ones and small ones, long swords and daggers. Their main activity and boast consists of conquest. Conquest is that of land. And when land has been conquered. they then boast of their exploits by conquering gulps of beer.
Clothing does not matter much to the barbarian. Any old rag will do, so long as it covers the privates. And of course this old rag can be worn several days at a time without washing. Clothing for barbarians is not a particularly complicated matter. Every morning, when a decision has to be made as to what to wear, the barbarian administers “the sniff test”. He sniffs whatever he sees lying around, and … sniff sniff … if it smells fine to him, its wearable. Really convenience is their clothing.
Barbarians only can make monosyllabic noises… any polysyllabic sounds would be too much of a brain strain. {Moreover, this is all that can escape their thick-necks ?} Not to worry however, because these monosyllabic grunts serve them quite well in sports. “Grrrr” … “Raaarrrrh” …”Woooo” (Note – In tennis, there are a few barbarianettes (lady barbarians) who also utter such monosyllabic grunts “Aaahk!”, while swinging their weapons, but I digress.). This – this monosyllabia – is also the reason why dogs are a barbarians best friend.
Anyway here are some helps that you may utilize, so as to facilitate your communication with barbarians.
“duhh” – most common universal expression, conveying their most common state of being.
or
“uuhh” – indicates understanding.
“ehh?” – most common universal expression for a question
“ohhh” – stands for several things including understanding
“aaah” – pain or pleasure depending on the intonation
And of course, added to this are all the usual grunts, snarls, growls … which are somewhere between the half-syllabic and monosyllabic and such.
Vacuities & Fatuities
What barbarians do in their free time… nothing. They sit in vacuity and ponder fatuities.
What barbarians do when they have responsibilities and work to attend to? Nothing.
Barbarians have many enemies. Not only is war a constant in their lives, but they also live in a war zones. The filth, squalor and foul odors of such habitats do not bother them and they in fact contribute to them. It is in fact an attestation to the strength of their character, that they can make such their habitations.
It also needs to be noted that while Barbarians have many enemies, their greatest enemy is silence. This great enemy of theirs even more to feared than death itself. While a barbarian may display great bravado and valor (and machismo, might I add) in death defying feats, they fear silence more than death itself. The entirety of their lives are spent as fugitives of silence. (For in running from silence, they run from themselves).
{fierce enemy/dragon}
{For silence makes a man confront the vacuities and fatuities of his own existence. They do not live in peace and quiet, nor do they know its meaning. When silence encroaches, they let out a loud roar like a lion and …???}
~~~~
BTW, here is Samson’s (a Barbarian) riddle … good luck on trying to answer it:
He replied,
“Out of the eater, something to eat;
out of the strong, something sweet.”
For three days they could not give the answer.
~ Judges 14:14
~~~
“junkifying the Universe.”
Update: I have found the following book, Amateur Barbarians by Robert Cohen
Rhapsody of Perceptions 